I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
