So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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