Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
false alarm, still single
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
