White coat. Heels.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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