think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
