I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
