You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
