I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
