nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
