I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
