I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
they need to just BURY HIM!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize