Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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