Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
