There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
