I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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