i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
