I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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