My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
