my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He felt like a one man threesome
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
