She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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