i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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