thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
