I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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