So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
