and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
