At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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