It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize