I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
