First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
