I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
