YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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