Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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