I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He shit in the fireplace
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize