No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
