I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
