its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
