There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
