soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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