so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
