I want to walk on stilts...naked
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
