He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize