So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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