Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
