remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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