Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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