Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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