She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
do nipples grow back?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
