I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
