funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
