i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The air taste purple.
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