you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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