I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
