You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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