so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
