I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She bit a glass in half.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
