Quick, to the slutcave!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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