I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize