are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
