We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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