She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
