Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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