Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize