he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
40s are totally the cure
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize