Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
