Im at strip club and am horny
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
