Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
