Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize