she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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