The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
