saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
