My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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