arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
