I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
