yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
