Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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