talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize