Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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