Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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