I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
