mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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