dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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