I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
