I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
