im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm passing your future prison.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
