And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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