The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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