if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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