Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
