After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize