Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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