Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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