I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Randomize
