I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize