If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
