Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Holy sore nipples Batman
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
