its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
