I'm so fucking centered right now
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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