Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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