We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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