So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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