we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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